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How Those of Us Who Experience Pregnancy Loss or Fertility Issues Feel Every Time We See a Pregnant Lady

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How Those of Use Who Experience Pregnancy Loss or Fertility Issues Feel Every Time We See a Pregnant Lady

It can be a little confronting at times.

Your friend announces their pregnancy… you go to her baby shower… you see new mums everywhere nursing their newborns… you feel like every second weekend you’re obligated to go to a first birthday party… there are pregnant ladies everywhere… and it feels like…

Everyone. But. You. Has. Kids.

I get how you feel.

I even think it’s ok if you get upset sometimes.

But you know what I don’t get?

Why you’re taking it out on your friends who are pregnant.

I’ve heard a lot of stories lately about those of us who have experienced loss or fertility problems start making ridiculous (and I feel, quite insulting) rules, where their friends must avoid talking about pregnancy, kids, childbirth and anything even remotely parenting related in their presence.

Some even go so far as to tell their friends that, if they are pregnant, they don’t want to see them!

If this is you, I understand how you feel when you see everyone around you delighted in their pregnancies and their newborns…

I just disagree with your attitude towards them.

While I can see your point of view, I feel that baring your friends from sharing with you the wonderful things they are experiencing in their life is not the answer.

Do you think your friends are having kids in spite of you?

Do you think they are deliberately getting pregnant to upset you?

I can assure you they aren’t.

If they happen to know what you’re going through, they probably feel a certain degree of loss and pain along with you!

At the very least, I can guarantee they will want to help and support you as much as they can.

As much as it sucks to experience pregnancy loss or fertility issues, you need to own it as your issue, and not make it someone else’s.

If you are pregnant, you should be free to celebrate (or complain about it, if you so wish!) without having to worry you are offending someone by simply being pregnant, or worried about just bringing up the topic of your pregnancy!

Sure, it is nice to be considerate of the feelings of a person who is or has experienced loss or fertility issues, and I am all for that.

I just think there is a line, and if you’ve gotten to the point where your pregnant friend can’t hang out with you, maybe you need to think about whether you may have crossed it.

There is no need for your struggle to be at the detriment of your friends’ happiness.

We need to support each other through all of these times, whether they be good or bad (and let’s hope we have more good than bad ones!).

SO… now that’s out in the open, I’d love to hear what you think…

Do you think it’s OK for those of us experiencing loss and fertility problems to boycott our pregnant friends?

Do you have a friend who doesn’t want to be near you because you’re pregnant?

Look forward to hearing your thoughts on this one 😉

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7 Replies to “How Those of Us Who Experience Pregnancy Loss or Infertility Issues Feel Every Time We See a Pregnant Lady”

  1. I am due with a baby next week after going through 2 years of infertility. YES I 100% agree with this post. I had to unfollow all pregnant people on Facebook for a LONG while!

  2. Oh wow, I could never do this :*( I feel as though, while I understand completely the frustration and sadness that comes from infertility, I want to celebrate this special time when it happens for all of my friends. Anthony else just feels kind of mean-spirited to me, I dunno.

  3. I agree with this blog and can relate as we have been trying to conceive for 15 months now with no luck. I do get down but only towards myself. I could not imagine not been happy for my friends. They are after all my friends and would want nothing more than to be apart of the wonderful new chapter in their lifes just as I would want them in my life when that next chapter eventually begins for us.

    1. Thanks Nicole I feel the same in that we need to think about how we would like to be treated in the situation (plus if we don’t embrace it we’re the ones who are going to miss out) 😉 x

  4. It’s totally ok to feel upset/annoyed/frustrated… but recognise those feelings and own them. You are probably feeling those things towards the situation, not your friend. Call me crazy but the energy around you matters! Surrounding yourself with love and happiness (and beautiful friends) can only be a good thing.

    1. Completely agree with you Renee and I think it comes down to making sure those feelings aren’t displaced 🙂 x

  5. I loooove this. I remember myself when we were trying feeling jealous of others who would be pregnant but I realised it was all part of our life’s plan, I could not agree more with you x x

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