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Why We Won’t “Take a Break”
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I’ve heard this (no doubt well-meaning) advice from people many times.
People said it to me after the first miscarriage, the second miscarriage and more than ever after the third miscarriage. I was overwhelmed by some people almost insisting that we “take a break” before trying to get pregnant again.
I find it a little crazy that people feel that they are somehow qualified to dish out medical advice on a topic they don’t really know anything about.
The funny thing is, after my second miscarriage, I said to our OB that I was considering taking a break as we had enrolled in a sailing course and I was a little worried about the strain on my ab’s (in the event that I could be pregnant) from handling the ropes over the week.
He pretty much just said to me “You can if you want, but there’s really no need to. No amount of pressure on your ab’s is going to contribute to a miscarriage. It’s pretty much impossible to MAKE yourself have a miscarriage, so don’t worry about it”.
Hearing that (may I point out once more from an actual medical professional) really did help me make up my mind about doing away with the “taking a break” issue.
There are other reasons why we choose not to take a break though:
1. We don’t know how many pregnancies it will take before we have a successful pregnancy (there are some cases of people with balanced translocations who have had 12 or more miscarriages before having a successful pregnancy)
2. There isn’t a huge physical strain associated with recurrent miscarriage for me (Yes, there is emotional strain and there is always a recovery period but I do find that I feel “back to normal” relatively quickly from a physical point of view and I usually only have 2 days of “recovery” after each miscarriage)
3. I’m not getting any younger. I’m already 31, and as I said I don’t know how many miscarriages we will have before the odds swing in our favour. Imagine if we have to go through 12 or more miscarriages? Assuming 3 to 4 pregnancies are possible each year, that’s at least 3 to 4 years before a successful pregnancy. I could be over 35 or older before we even manage to have 1 child! What if we then decided to have another one? Still think it’s a good idea to “take a break”?
4. Chromosomes don’t care how many breaks you take. It’s not as if they que up in lines with the dodgy ones segregated to one side of the room and the good ones on the other and make a pact where the good chromosomes can be thrown ONLY after you “take a break”.
5. My OB say’s it’s OK. Sometimes I honestly wonder if people think I make random decisions without consulting a professional. I seriously don’t know how much more I can stress that taking a break Makes. No. Difference.
I shouldn’t have to justify our decision to anyone, but it frustrates me when I get the impression that people seem to think that as the female in this situation I somehow have control over doing “something different” in order to avoid a miscarriage in the future.
There is nothing I’m doing to cause it and there’s nothing I can do to prevent it and “taking a break” certainly isn’t going to achieve a different outcome.
Before you go, have you or someone you know experienced miscarriage, stillbirth or infertility?
Throughout the month of October, we will be sharing stories to raise awareness and reduce the stigma associated with these “taboo” topics.
Check out this post for more info on how you can share your story.
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