Another Day, Another Loss

We found out yesterday that we had experienced our 3^rd miscarriage.

It wasn’t a total surprise, as we knew all along that it could happen. I think we just weren’t really expecting it to happen AGAIN.

Especially since we had just had an appointment with a geneticist 3 days prior, telling us that our chances of going full term were probably better than 50%.

He did say though that “chance has no memory” which is a statement that has really stuck with us.

We had kind of been feeling that since our chances of a full-term healthy pregnancy were 50% each time, that just by chance we were pretty much due for a win… but that’s just not how it works.

Unfortunately, the odds re-set themselves each time.

It’s just like flipping a coin, and then picking up a new coin, and flipping that coin, hoping it will or won’t show the same result as the last coin (except, in our case, it’s like picking up two coins and hoping like hell they both land on the same side).

So, we go through the process all over again.

At least it’s a little less daunting when you’ve been through it all before.

From my point of view, I was happy (happy isn’t really the word, but you know what I mean) to opt for a D&C again.

It just means that we can have the foetus tested to confirm that it was due to a chromosome imbalance again, which hopefully will give us some comfort that there isn’t some other issue contributing to the miscarriages as well.

So, I’m booked in to have the procedure on Wednesday morning.

Although I’ve mentioned it’s a little less daunting each time, it doesn’t necessarily get any easier from an emotional aspect.

I think I’m dealing with it fairly well, from the point of view I can still function fairly normally (e.g. I went to the shops this morning to make sure I had enough food for the days where I’m supposed to be at home recovering) but I don’t always feel like socialising or necessarily talking about it.

In some ways, I almost feel as though I’m “used to” the emotions and process. It’s not really the kind of thing you want to get used to, but I guess exposure to grief helps you learn new ways of coping.

But, in saying that I never really know what is going to set me off or upset me, so sometimes I just avoid everyone for a while until I feel like I can deal with it all again.

In the efforts of self-preservation, I just decided to hibernate at home for the rest of the week.

Sometimes a bit of R&R (with a good book and some favourite TV shows as a distraction) can make all the difference (I may have also had a little giggle to myself while I enjoyed 2 glasses of wine and 4 sushi rolls last night too… because, why not!?)

Sometimes you just have to find the little things they make you feel the slightest bit better and work on it from there…