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What Can We Learn from Parents in Other Countries?

What Can We Learn from Parents in Other Countries

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What Can We Learn from Parents in Other Countries?

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What Can We Learn from Parents in Other Countries

During our recent trip to India, I was lucky enough to have a chat with some of the parents about a few similarities and differences in child behaviour between both of our countries. The topic that stood out to me the most was getting children to go to bed on time.

Although our countries share this similarity, it was interesting to note that the reasons for children going to bed late seem to differ between these countries.

For example, in Australia, apart from the usual 5000 reasons children give for not going to sleep at bedtime (e.g. they need a drink of water, a hug, another bedtime story, to tell you something extremely important, they suddenly remembered what they did at school today and you need to know immediately, even though they specifically said earlier today that nothing happened at school, they need the toilet, there’s monsters under the bed… and so on and so forth) I suspect the main reason for bedtimes being so late in Australia is due to the increased use of technology in the bedroom (and I think this is an issue not just for children, but for adults also!).

Contrast this to India, which is where I found the main reason for late bedtimes quite fascinating. The parents I spoke to indicated that the family usually wait for everyone to be home so that they can have dinner together with the children before bed. The main issue with this is that the workday tends to finish a lot later in India than in Australia, meaning that dinner may not be served until around 9 or 10 pm at night.

So what can we do about the issue of late bedtimes? Here in Australia, there are definitely things that can be done to reduce technology use, make sure children get to bed earlier, and have better quality sleep:

  1. Avoid technology before bed

    Avoid all forms of technology before bed (including; TV, iPods, iPads, phones, laptops, video games etc)

    Research has found a relationship between the use of technology before bed and difficulties falling asleep, as well as a reduction in the quality of sleep experienced. We therefore recommend avoiding technology before bed and engaging in other activities such as reading, listening to music or relaxation techniques as an alternative. These activities can easily be woven into the bedtime routine.

    It may also be beneficial to make sure there is no technology available in your child’s room (e.g. no TV, ipads, phones etc in the bedroom at night time)

  2. Routine

    It may be beneficial to establish a bed time routine with your child. For example, brush teeth, go to the toilet, put on pyjamas, say goodnight to stuffed toys, read a book, lights out.

    For older children, the routine may include additional things with less guidance from you such as a relaxation activity, free time to play a quiet game, read alone etc.

    If you would like to introduce relaxation activities into your child’s routine but aren’t sure where to start, make sure you sign up to our newsletter (we will share a relaxation strategy in our next issue!)

  3. Use the bedroom for sleeping only

    Avoid using the bedroom for activities other than bedtime routine and sleeping.

    For example, make sure homework is completed in the study or in a quiet area in the house, play and technology can be in the games room, lounge room or other appropriate area of the house.

    This will help your child to associate the bedroom with sleep only, which can help to reduce the temptation to want to play or use technology when they should be sleeping… it may even help them go to sleep quicker!

These are just a few examples of strategies than can be used to help your children get to bed on time (and hopefully stay there!)

We have a heap more strategies to share with you in the next few weeks when we launch the ohbeehave website. We will also be giving away a massive

2000 free memberships

 

So that you can access these strategies for free! These memberships will go quickly – make sure you sign up to our newsletter so you will be the first to hear when the website launches, and be one of the first to get a free membership for life!

Lastly… what if the reason for late bed times is due to having dinner together as a family?

Well… I’m not really sure if there is a strategy I would suggest to change that.

Having dinner together as a family is one of the most important things you can do with your children. I’m not sure how common it is for families to have dinner at the table together in Australia these days, but it is something I hope we will prioritise when we have children.

It is unfortunate if the trade-off for spending time together as a family is sleep… but whether or not that would apply to us over here I guess depends on the individual family. Either way, I think there is still an important learning to take away here – and I am impressed by the efforts families will go to, to ensure they spend time together!

How about you? Do you wish your kids would just get into bed and stay there? Is dinner together as a family a priority? Do you have a great strategy to get your kids to bed on time that works for you? Let us know in the comments below!

References:

  • Adams, S., Daly, JK. & Williford, D. (2013). Adolescent Sleep and Cellular Phone Use: Recent Trends and Implications for Research. Health Services Insights. (6)
  • Gradisar, M. Wolfson, A., Harvey, A., Hale, L., Rosenberg, R. & Czeisler, A. (2013). The Sleep and Technology Use of Americans: Findings from the National Sleep Foundation’s 2011 Sleep in America Poll. Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine. 9(12)

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Does Anyone Know What Mindful Parenting Is

Mindful Parenting

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Does Anyone Know What Mindful Parenting Is

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Does Anyone Know What Mindful Parenting Is

Every parent dreams of having a child that is considerate, well-behaved and calm even on their worst days. It is totally possible to create a small being like that, right?? (don’t worry, I can hear you laughing from here as you read this).

In an attempt to create little people that actually emulate some of those things I’ve listed above, it seems “Mindful Parenting” has become a recent trend in the parenting world.

I know “mindfulness” is one of those things that can sound kind of airy-fairy (it’s really just a fancy word for “being in the moment” / having an awareness of what is going on around you), but I do believe that if you practice it regularly enough it can improve your ability to “be present” and may also help to reduce your stress levels.

I’ve decided to “jump on the bandwagon” with this one, and do a little experiment for myself, by giving daily meditations a go. Some days I choose a specific pregnancy meditation, and other days I just run with a general guided meditation for relaxation (there are other days where life gets in the way and I don’t meditate at all).

So far, I have found that I am much calmer, patient and less cranky on the days I have completed a 10-minute meditation (the cranky bit is particularly important to me since I’m pretty sure I never used to get this irritated about trivial things prior to pregnancy).

But, mindfulness in the context of parenting – I’ve wondered if it will make any difference to our child’s behaviour?

I’m not sure that there’s a lot of research around about this, but there was an interesting study done in Australia recently that looked at the stress levels of children who practiced mindfulness, and of children whose parents practiced mindfulness. The study found that in both cases there was a relationship between mindfulness and reduced stress in children.

Based on these findings, I suspect there is some benefit to practicing mindfulness. I’m not sure that there is really enough evidence around at this stage to give an insight into the effects on child behaviour. I am also mindful (he he) that some stress can be good and is actually necessary to keep us motivated to some extent.

Regardless of the current findings, I think that if you enjoy practicing mindfulness and you think it is something your kids will enjoy, it’s worth giving it a go, if for no other benefit, then at least for your own enjoyment!

There are a few apps and websites out there that have free tools for practicing mindfulness:

  • A free program for kids (website and app) is available at Smiling Mind. 
  • An app for adults that I really like is Headspace you can try it out for 10 mins each day for 10 days for a bit of a taste.
  • I’ve also created a couple of meditation playlists on our youtube channel. All of the videos on there I have tried out myself. There are two playlists there, one specifically for pregnancy meditation and the other list is general. Not every meditation on there is specifically focussed on mindfulness, I have just included the ones I like best. I add new videos every week or so, so if you would like to try out a new meditation every so often, subscribe to our channel.

Until next time, we’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on mindfulness:

  1. Have you tried it before?
  2. What did you think?
  3. Have your kids tried it?
  4. Did you notice any changes (behavioural or otherwise) from either yours or your child’s mindful practice?

Look forward to hearing from you!

References:

Waters, L. (2016). The Relationship between Child Stress, Child Mindfulness and Parent Mindfulness. Psychology (7) pp. 40-51. Retrieved 7 June, 2016 from: http://dx.doi.org/10.4236/psych.2016.71006

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FIFO Parents are Bad Parents

FIFO Parents are Bad Parents

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FIFO Parents are Bad Parents

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FIFO Parents are Bad Parents

“FIFO Parents are bad parents” is a statement we really dislike hearing.

We know that a FIFO (fly-in-fly-out work arrangement) lifestyle often gets a bad rap for having a negative impact on family life and relationships. Some studies have even found higher stress levels in families around the time the FIFO partner is about to return home or leave for their next swing (swings can vary from as little as 8 days away, 6 days at home to as much as 6 weeks away, 1 week at home).

While we know working away from home can suck at times, it is something we have had a lot of practice at, and find we can manage quite well at the moment, while it is just the two of us. What we’re not sure of, is how this arrangement will look, and how we will feel about it, once we have kids.

What we’re really interested to know is, will the FIFO lifestyle have a negative impact on our kids?

The Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS) has examined some of the research in this area (there isn’t a lot, but enough to get a bit of an idea) and the findings are quite interesting!

Despite what we might think, some kids of FIFO parents have actually reported that they get to spend more quality time with their parents when they are home, compared to kids who have both their parents home at all times.

In terms of the impact on mental health and well-being, one study found no difference on measures of anxiety, depression or perception of family functioning between children whose parents live at home, compared with parents who are FIFO. Another study found little evidence to support an impact on emotional functioning and behaviour of children whose parents are FIFO (there could be a relationship between children’s behaviour and parents who are away for over 4 weeks at a time, but there isn’t really enough evidence to support this).

Lastly, the AIFS also mention a study which found that children of FIFO families are more likely to experience bullying, concerns with body image, be more demanding of their parents when it comes to asking for money, clothes, and technology, and the children may also feel more pressure to be successful when it comes to academics and extra-curricular activities. Personally, I think these findings are more likely to be due to other factors (such as the parents’ socio-economic status, level of academic achievement and expectations set in their family), however, since I’m not sure if any of these factors were controlled for in the study I will refrain from arguing the point!

So, should we avoid a FIFO lifestyle for the sake of our kids?

My thoughts, based on the info above are “no”!

I really think there are so many other factor’s that can impact on your kids, that are more likely to outweigh the (minimal) negative effects of being away from home for short periods of a time.

In saying that though, this is something we are yet to try, and we are keen to hear from others who have experienced the FIFO lifestyle.

We’d love to know if working FIFO has had an impact on your family and kids. Let us know by commenting below (if you want to comment, but don’t want people to know who you are, just use an alias or write your name as “anonymous”).

Look forward to hearing your thoughts and experiences!

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Why We Don’t Believe in Punishments

Why We Don't Believe in Punishments

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Why We Don’t Believe in Punishments

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Why We Don’t Believe in Punishments

Unfortunately, punishments are popular in our society, and it seems they are accepted as a “way of life”. The problem I have with this view is that punishments motivate people to behave in a particular way. People avoid doing certain things in order to avoid a punishment.

You’re probably thinking “what’s the problem with that?”.

Well, wouldn’t we all be better off if people learned to “do the right thing, because it’s the right thing to do”, instead of “doing the right thing to avoid a punishment”?

This is why I don’t believe punishments are appropriate for children.

So in that case, we should just ignore inappropriate behaviour when kids display it? Absolutely not! What I’m saying is, punishments are not the answer. There are so many alternatives, for example, logical consequences.

Now, you’re probably thinking what’s the difference between a punishment and a logical consequence (my husband said he got completely lost with what I was saying at this point, so hopefully the next couple of sentences will help clear all this up).

A “punishment” is something someone does to someone else (in the hope that) it will stop the behaviour from happening again (e.g. imagine your kid smashes another kids toy, so you punish your child by grounding them for a week). A logical consequence, on the other hand, is a consequence that is directly related to the behaviour (using the example of the smashed toy, the consequence may be that your child has to repair the toy, or work to purchase a replacement toy for the other kid).

When you “punish” your child, you’re teaching them that you control their behaviour and will enforce a “punishment” to get them to do what you want. Not only that, you are impacting your relationship with your child in a negative way, and you are teaching them that when they don’t like someone else’s behaviour, the appropriate thing to do is “punish” that person. Most importantly, you’re taking away the opportunity for them to develop the understanding that their behaviour has consequences based on the choices they make.

A few common examples of “whats the logical consequence for…”

  • Drawing on the walls? Cleaning it up!
  • Throwing your dinner on the floor? Picking it up and putting it in the bin!
  • Breaking a toy or item of value? Using your pocket money to pay for it!

So how do you even get your kids to understand the concept of logical consequences? We’ve got a heap of strategies to help you get started once our new website launches. But I’ve got to warn you – it will be hard work.

I hope we’re up for the challenge, and I hope you are too!

Until then, we would really like to know:

  • Do you believe in punishments in your house?
  • What about logical consequences?
  • What works for you?

Some parents don’t like logical consequences because they are time-consuming. Does this affect your choice of using consequences versus punishment with your child(ren)???

Look forward to hearing your thoughts!

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How Will Our Kids be Oh Beehavin’!? | Tantrums

Tantrums

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How Will Our Kids Be Oh Beehavin’!? Tantrums

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How will our kids be OhBeehavin’!? | Tantrums

So I saw a kid having a meltdown at the shops today, and I thought to myself “oh no, that will never happen to me” (haha!)

So besides a bunch of wishful thinking, I wondered what practical steps we could actually take to prepare for the inevitable, and this is where my research led me:

  1. Identify the trigger

    Is there a particular situation, experience, time of day, toy, person, game, TV show etc that happens either before or after the tantrum? If you are unsure, monitor your child’s tantrums over a few days. Write down what happens immediately before and after the tantrum occurs. Once you have worked out if something is prompting the tantrum it will be easier to work out what strategy could work to reduce the tantrums.

  2. Check for a reinforcer (and remove it)

    Is there something that is encouraging your child to have a tantrum?

    For example, imagine each time you go to the shops, your child asks for a treat. You say no, and then your child has a tantrum. In order to stop the tantrum, you give your child a treat. The treat acts as a “reinforcer”, teaching your child that if they really want a treat, they need to have a tantrum.

    Another example is doing chores at home. Imagine each time you ask your child to put their toys away, they have a tantrum. Imagine this then leads to “time out” during which you pack away the child’s toys. The child learns that if they don’t want to pack away their toys, they need to have a tantrum. Although the child isn’t “gaining” anything in this scenario, they are learning that they can “get out of” doing a chore by having a tantrum.

  3. Avoid the tantrum from happening at the start – communicate and agree on expectations

    If your child is consistently having tantrums, for example, at a particular place, time, or in reaction to being told they can’t have something (like a treat at the shops), talk to your child about the tantrum before it occurs, and discuss with them what behaviour you expect to see. For example, before you go to the shops, explain to your child that when they go to the shops, most times they will not get a treat, but “sometimes” they might. Explain to them that they might feel upset when you say no, but even if you do say no, and they get upset, you will not change your mind. Explain to them that you expect they will accept your decision without screaming and throwing things, but that it is OK for them to feel sad, mad, angry etc. if you say no. Help them to learn new strategies for dealing with their emotions (we’ll give some more insight to this one later).

    There will be a bunch more strategies on our website so stay tuned for our release date. In the meantime, what strategies have you used to deal with tantrums? Have you tried any of the ones listed above? Did the tantrums stop? Did the tantrums get worse? (with some strategies, the tantrums can get worse before they get better!) Let us know what happened!

References:

Slavin, R. (2005). Educational Psychology: Theory and Practice 8th Edition. Boston: Pearson Education Inc.

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