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Dealing With Due Date Number 4
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Due dates following loss are always difficult to take.
They’re a clear reminder of what you’re missing out on… a little person you longed to meet but never did and will forever wonder about.
The 8th of April 2018.
It’s a date a look on as bittersweet… our due date for baby number 4, who only lived a tiny existence for a couple of weeks.
It is a strange feeling, to mourn the loss of one baby while feeling so grateful to have a healthy one on the way.
I try not to think too much about “what could have been” and focus more on the present.
I rationalise where we are at now (18 weeks pregnant and counting!) by thinking that if we hadn’t experienced all those losses… we also wouldn’t be experiencing the immense joy and anticipation of what is on the way for us now.
I also think of all the things we have gained. All the couples who have reached out to us to share their experiences and stories with us. I feel like we have learnt so much from connecting with others who have experienced loss or fertility issues and that has helped normalise our experience (and I hope normalise the experience for others too).
That’s not to say that if I could have prevented those losses I would have, as I don’t think anyone should have to experience so much grief over such a long period of time, but I also think these experiences make us stronger, bring us closer together and help us appreciate what we do have now.
The grieving process is different for everyone, and I wondered for a long time what I would do with the tiny memento’s I had from the tiny babies we lost… ultrasound scans and that kind of thing.
It is hard to know what to do with them… it’s not as if you want to keep them out on display, but at the same time, you also don’t feel right about getting rid of them or shoving them at the back of a drawer somewhere (which is exactly what I did… not really wanting a constant reminder of my tiny little beings that did have tiny little heartbeats at one point in time).
Until one day, a beautiful box arrived on my doorstep that had 4 little angels inside.
Such a thoughtful gift to represent the four babies that we had lost.
I decided at that time that I didn’t have to keep their tiny ultrasound pictures shoved into the back of my drawer and felt so much more comfortable about giving them a beautiful resting place.
It also reminded me that we’re not alone with our grief – our losses have such an impact on others around us too.
I can’t speak for others, but I personally felt that this was a beautiful way to remember our angels.
If you know of someone who is experiencing something similar and you want to help but aren’t sure how… I hope this helps give some inspiration.
As always, feel free to share your thoughts below.
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