Our Story So Far

Last year, the day after my husbands birthday, I bought a 3 pack of pregnancy tests on a whim. They were on special at Coles and I figured they would be good to have in the house as we had been trying to conceive (TTC) for 6 months.

When I got home I decided to pee on one “just because“. I thought my period wasn’t due for another few days and I felt like it was on its way. I had never done a test before and i just wanted to do it!

Well, I nearly fell off the toilet when, straight away two pink lines showed up.

I popped the test in a gift bag and gave it to my husband as a belated birthday present. We were both in disbelief. I went to a GP the next day and she told me she would do 2 blood tests to confirm as, HCG should double every 48hours.

As it turned out, my HCG was going up but wasn’t doubling.

A phone call from the GP explained this to me and said it meant that the pregnancy was not viable and I should expect to start bleeding soon.

After two awfully long weeks, multiple visits back and forth to the GP and an ultrasound that showed a sac but no fetal pole, I eventually started to bleed.

I am sad at how little information I was given about what to expect.

I was told to buy maternity pads, expect heavy bleeding and to call an ambulance if I had severe pain or if I began fainting.

Thats it, I was sent home to just get on with it.

My issue with TTC has been that I have short cycles and low progesterone. When I came off the pill in March 2016, I quickly felt that something wasn’t right. My cycles  were only lasting 21 – 24 days. I had seen a gynaecologist who prescribed metformin to help regulate my cycles.

So in January 2017 on cycle day 26 I had a feeling I might be pregnant. But I had only got a very very faint line on a test at home. My beta HCG came back extremely low and once again I was sent home to let things take their course.

They referred to this loss as a chemical pregnancy as it had been so early on.

We then went to a fertility specialist for screening which all came back normal. I was prescribed clomid, with HCG injections and progesterone for luteal phase support.

Much to our shock in May 2017 we got pregnant on our first month of treatment. For the first time I actually felt pregnant too.

I was exhausted, with sore boobs and a constant need to pee. We were so scared to lose this pregnancy too, but I tried to reassure my husband that everything would be ok this time because of all the meds I was on.

At 7w4d we heard the heartbeat and were told everything looked great.

Two weeks later, our world was torn apart when a scan showed the baby had stopped growing and there was no heartbeat.

I was booked in for a D+C the next day.

In physical terms, my third miscarriage was a lot easier than my first. Bleeding and pain was minimal after my surgery and I was given a lot of info from the hospital on what to expect.

My natural miscarriage was a very long drawn out process. I bled at home alone for over three weeks not knowing if what was happening was normal.

Emotionally, I’m still recovering from our third loss. That third one took away my hope. 

There’s a voice in my head asking “What if it never happens for us?” and “What if I just keep losing babies?”

After our first loss, we received lots of cards, flowers and texts. I took comfort in hearing miscarriages were common and everything would be ok next time.

A lot of people shared their own experience of miscarriage, and I realised how common it was.

Now I am in the recurrent/multiple miscarriage category, I feel so incredibly alone. The people that were telling us last year “at least you got pregnant”, “next time everything will be fine”. These same people are now asking us if we will adopt or try IVF.

People feel uncomfortable talking about miscarriage and even more so when its multiple miscarriages. The flowers and cards didn’t arrive third time around.

People don’t know what to say now, so some choose to ignore it altogether. I don’t hold this against them, its not their fault.

They don’t know what to say or how to behave around me. I’d like to tell them, there is no right thing to say, but just say something.

Say “I’m sorry” or “I don’t know what to say”. Just please don’t ignore me, it makes me feel even worse.

I hope by talking about it more we can break the stigma and it will become less taboo. So that women and their partners can feel less isolated.

I know for me, talking about it, is the only thing that has kept me sane.

I don’t know what the future holds for us, but we have picked ourselves back up and we are ready to try again.

If you would like to share your story of infertility or pregnancy loss this October, 2018, please send your story to info@ohbeehave.com.au or if you would like to share your story anonymously please fill out the form on our get in touch page.

All submissions received will be shared on our blog “One in Four” throughout the month of October.