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Hold Your Congratulations

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Hold Your Congratulations

We’ve just found out about pregnancy number 4. I found a particularly fun way to tell Sam this time…

It was 4:30 this morning and we were both wide awake. I needed to pee and decided I might as well take a test while I was there. The test was positive so I trundled back to bed to tell Sam, jumped under the covers and reached over to give him a cuddle… to which he responded by screaming at the touch of my cold hands and telling me in no uncertain terms to “piss of”

…oops! That didn’t go as planned *giggle* #marriedlife

Anyway, it’s Friday today and I’m barely even 3 weeks in, but I had a few tip off’s during the week… feeling pretty hungry, craving a snickers bar, super tired and I kept getting this weird feeling in my stomach.

I’ve had that weird stomach feeling with each pregnancy. Kind of like I’ve over-stretched my abdominal muscles and they’re cramping or something. Sometimes it wakes me up in the night.

Has anyone else ever had that feeling? Or is it just me?

I pretty much knew what was up, so decided to take that test this morning. I wasn’t really surprised to see a clear dark line, even though I was testing 5 days early.

It’s hard to know how to feel this time around. Every other time I’ve rushed down to the lab to get a blood test and then waited anxiously for my OB to call and confirm.

This time, I’m not even going to bother rushing with that test. I don’t really see what difference it will make if I have the test today, tomorrow or in a week’s time.

I’m thinking I’d much rather just go with the flow, have the test when I’m feeling like it (I don’t need to make an appointment, it’s just a walk-in type system) and book a scan for somewhere around the 7 week mark.

Obviously, we know there’s a chance this one could make it. Probably about a 35% chance or something there abouts is our best guess.

Our genetics counsellor alluded to us that it’s higher than a 50% chance, but I find that pretty hard to believe.

I know most people’s first thought is to congratulate the couple when they find out they’re pregnant. We don’t want people to feel like they can’t offer congratulations, but at the same time, we do want people to understand that we may not seem particularly happy or excited about it.

I’m not unhappy of course, I just don’t want to have false hope. On the other hand, I don’t want to believe that it’s not going to work out either.

There isn’t really a set way of how to feel when you’ve experienced 3 miscarriages in a row and you’re onto your fourth pregnancy. You go in knowing that you have some small slither of a chance that you might go full term, with a pretty big chance that you’ll have another miscarriage, and then there’s also the thought that you could go full term with a baby who has a serious disability.

These possibilities aren’t exactly the most exciting ones to think about.

I think this is probably the calmest I’ve felt in relation to our pregnancies and chance of going full term so far.

I’m feeling reasonably comfortable with just going with the flow and seeing what happens. No amount of stress is going to make any difference, so I might as well just do whatever I feel like until I know any different.

We’ll see how long that motto lasts 😉

As always, feel free to comment with your thoughts below. 


Before you go, have you or someone you know experienced miscarriage, stillbirth or infertility?

Throughout the month of October, we will be sharing stories to raise awareness and reduce the stigma associated with these “taboo” topics.

Check out this post for more info on how you can share your story.


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Photo Credit: Ammon Creative

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12 Replies to “Hold Your Congratluations”

    1. Thanks Jodie!
      A couple of other people have told me that had the same thing too! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one 😉

  1. Hi Dom, your blog just popped up on my Facebook (as a mutual friend commented) I just thought I’d comment and wish you all the best. I too have had three miscarriages in a row, the third one recently. So can resonate all too well! The decrease in stress and anxiety will do you and the embryo wonders. Sending love x

    1. Hi Kiri, I’m so sorry to hear that you have been through these experiences too, it is heartbreaking to go through over and over. I’ll be thinking of you too and wishing you good news for the future. Sending love and hugs your way xxx

  2. I feel the same way. If we ever fall pregnant again I want to just go with the flow. I say that now but I am not sure how I really will be if it happens again. I know the the amount of stress I allowed myself to go through was a factor in my loss last year.
    Good luck to you sweetie!! Sending positive vibes.

    1. Hi Kimberly it is hard to know how you will feel until the time and to be honest with you I have felt differently about it each time. It’s a bit like a rollercoaster. Thank you for your positive vibes, and I’ll be sending all my positive thoughts your way too xx

  3. Praying you can keep stress to a minimum and that you have success this time….. I sorta understand as I miscarried once and had this immediate desire to replace it – could not understand it as the one I lost was not planned or waited for….. but this huge need to replace took over my thoughts until the instant I conceived again then i was able to relax….I didn’t need a test to prove it – I had no doubt that I was pregnant. Its amazing how we get to know how our body works 🙂 Keep enjoying your life – staying healthy and happy is the best thing you can do !

    1. Hi Ruth, sorry to hear you have been through this too 🙁 I know what you mean when you say you just want to replace it. I felt like that after the first one too. It is amazing how we can know our bodies so well… I don’t think I really needed to take this test either, it was more just to satisfy my hunch 😉

  4. Hey Dominique, I had four miscarriages in my days of having bites and do know what you are going through. It is so good to have you tell everyone what is going on so that we can all be praying for you and to be able to share in your journey. It’s sad that you have had so much trouble but I believe that you will get there eventually. I’ll certainly be praying that way for you.

    1. Thanks Bronwyn, it is sad that so many of us go through this, but I agree that there is so much support available to us if we are willing to be open about it. I am sure we will have success eventually too… it’s just a game of chance. Thank you for your kind words and thoughts xxx

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