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The Pregnant Pause

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The Pregnant Pause

I’ve mentioned a few times that I don’t see any sense in “taking a break”.

I feel like, after more than 18 months of “not” having a baby (not a living one anyway) and 4 miscarriages, at the age of 31 (and getting scarily close to 32) I’ve really got no time to waste.

Except it dawned on me recently that I would most likely be just pregnant at Christmas time.

It’s like clock-work. It only ever takes 2 cycles and the timing has not failed me yet… which brings about my dilemma.

The Christmas season is always full of parties, rich food (fresh prawns!!) and plenty of alcohol… and I wonder whether I want to miss out on all that, given that the chances of another failed pregnancy are pretty high.

The main problem is… I won’t know whether the pregnancy has failed or not until after Christmas.

So, what do I do?

Take my chances and hope I don’t get pregnant this time around?

Take my chances, assuming I’ll get pregnant and just really, really, really hope this one sticks?

Take my chances, knowing that I might miss out on all the Christmas fun AND have to deal with the fall out of another failed pregnancy?

Or

Actively try not to get pregnant, enjoy the Christmas break, and then… what?

It’s not like I can predict whether getting pregnant down the track or not will happen (it’s much easier to get pregnant immediately after a miscarriage than it is at any other time).

ARGH.

I don’t know the answer.

I feel like I’m going to be miserable either way.

It’s difficult to explain, but when you experience recurrent miscarriage, you feel deflated when you find out you’re pregnant… and if you aren’t pregnant, you feel outrageously disappointed too. It’s like a lose-lose scenario every time.

On the other hand, I figure I’ll feel yucky either way… the difference between being pregnant and having a  Christmas hang-over is pretty much… nothing.

Whether you’re feeling yucky from all-day-pregnancy-sickness, or yucky from eating and drinking too much, it’s pretty much the same feeling, so what does it matter!? LOL!

So… I figure I’m not going to over-think it anymore.

I’ll just see what happens and hope for the best.

Until next time… feel free to share your thoughts. What would you do?

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4 Replies to “The Pregnant Pause”

  1. I can do relate to this. Last time we tried I found it a totally joyless experience. Yet the thought of not trying is awful too. But I think I’m actually going to take a break. Let my hair down. Smile. I may regret not trying but I think having a life outside recurrent loss for just a while will be good for me. Here’s hoping 2018 is good for you x

    1. Thanks Kate, it’s nice to hear from someone who “gets” it. It really does feel like all options are no fun!

      I hope you enjoy letting your hair down for a while 😉 Wishing you a better 2018 too xxx

  2. Hey Dom, I say take the opportunity to have a break. I know the thought of it can be daunting and you feel like you can’t stop just in case it could be the one, but a break can be good emotionally and physically. I am currently on a break (only into the first month of a forced 6 month break due to a planned future holiday that I don’t want to be in the late stages of pregnancy for) but it has surprised me how quickly it took me to feel normal again, letting go of any anxiety and worry. It has been refreshing too and puts a different perspective to the worth of everyday life. I vouch to have more fun than I have been over the past three years obsessing, tracking and googling. I am also using some of my knowledge and experience to normalise other woman’s struggles and let them know we are in this together, if only to laugh. Head up and bring on the Christmas cheer. See you at the Christmas function: champagne in hand 😉

    1. Hey Nat!
      You make a break sound like such bliss 🙂 Glad to hear you are starting to feel normal again! I think you’re right about a break giving a fresh perspective and taking a weight off your shoulders.
      I thought really hard about it and decided not to take a break in the end. I guess I just can’t push through the thought that I don’t want to waste time and I think that if our odds are something like 1 in 8 and it’s taken nearly 2 years to get to 4 that I don’t really want to waste any time… I’ll see what happens in the next week or so, but either way since making the decision I haven’t been thinking too hard about it (I don’t bother with tracking and to be honest I haven’t been drinking – not since BWG anyway, HAHA! – because we’ve gotten onto the “let’s get fit” band wagon with these crazy workouts and I feel so shite the next day even if I only have 1 that it hardly feels worth it!)
      It is awesome to hear that you have been using your knowledge and experience to help other women too. I really think there needs to be more communication out there amongst us ladies – there are so many of us who go through challenges like this and it would be so much less isolating if people knew they weren’t alone!
      Really looking forward to catching up at Chrissy Xxx

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