I kept myself as busy as possible the week following the first scan.

I find keeping busy and distractions are the easiest ways to stop myself stewing over the situation. And lucky, my Mr 4 keeps me on my toes!

I was a little nervous about meeting my “new” OB (he was the colleague of my first choice in OB – as the OB I selected was away that week – and had a couple of scathing reviews online… but I figured people really only write reviews when they’re unhappy, and I really just needed to see what was happening so was keen to go ahead with the appointment).

Finally, the day of my appointment arrived (21^st September) and I went into my new OBs rooms with pretty much no expectations what so ever. At this point, I think its just easier to expect bad news and then just be happy and enjoy the moment if it turns out to be good news.

OBs are notorious for running late (and this one was no different) so I sat there dying for the toilet (because of the obligatory 2 glasses of water you have to drink prior to a scan) and tried really hard not to sneeze due to my increasing allergies and not being able to take my normal hayfever meds.

Anyway, I finally got called into my appointment, seeing the Nurse first, and gave her a run down of my history (5 miscarriages, 1 termination for medical reasons, 1 healthy baby, plus the current pregnancy, all due to Balanced Translocation). She looked at me and goes “oh, well that’s all a bit shit, isn’t it?” and I couldn’t help but laugh at the kind, but blunt way she empathised with my situation.

The new OB entered at that moment and I was surprised by how friendly, outgoing and caring he was (what’s with those weird reviews?).

Anyway, he said we better do the scan first, so I got up on the table and he started taking a look. He scanned my stomach for what seemed like forever, and then explained that what he was seeing didn’t really add up.

The pregnancy had progressed… it was measuring ahead at 8 weeks, but he was really struggling to see a consistent heartbeat. He spent about another 5 minutes searching and then asked if I would mind heading up stairs to the specialist scan centre for a more detailed review.

Luckily, the specialist centre was able to fit me in straight away. They did quite a thorough search and ended up finding a very faint heartbeat, measuring 36 (it should have been about 180 at that point).

They were very caring in explaining that the pregnancy was unlikely to keep progressing, but obviously they can never give a definitive timeframe or tell you exactly what to expect (because there are still rare occasions where everything looks fine the following week).

The manager came in to speak with me and said they could fit me in again at any time, and just to say that she had approved it when speaking with the reception staff. This was really reassuring, given I felt like I was running out of time to make arrangements with our holiday just over a week away now!

So anyway, I trudged back down to the OBs office to discuss the next steps. I had to wait around for a little while for the report to come through from the specialist centre (thank goodness my son’s Pre-K were able to extend child care arrangements at the last minute – I’ll share something funny about that further down!) and then the OB was able to squeeze me in for another appointment.

We discussed that things we looking pretty bleak and he asked me when I wanted to come back for another look.

I was worried that it was a long weekend, but he reassured me that OBs don’t really take public holidays or weekends off and that he would fit me in any time I wanted (again, what’s with the bad reviews on this guy!?)

So, we decided I would go back in Friday morning (it was currently Wednesday with the Thursday public holiday in between) and stressed to me just to call any time, day or night, if I spontaneously started miscarrying and needed intervention.

By Thursday evening I was having some pretty intense cramping and not really expecting a good outcome the following morning. The OB called me that evening and asked if, by any chance I could go in earlier the next morning. I was keen to see what was happening given the cramping and agreed to a 7:45am appointment.

I was also a bit worried because with all the commotion over the hard-to-find heartbeat, I had completely forgotten about the second sac, and made a mental note to ask about it the following day.

It was a pretty long night with not great sleep, and I was not feeling particularly optimistic about the scan. I had fasted in preparation, expecting it was likely I would be going in for surgery that day.

The OB met me in his office for the scan and he spent a good 10 or so minutes have a look. The measurements indicated that the embryo was now measuring only 7.5 weeks (when it had been measuring 8 weeks just two days before) and the shape looked quite strange… like it had started to shrivel up (for want of a better expression).

We were both pretty satisfied after looking thoroughly from multiple angles for about 15 minutes that there was no movement or heartbeat.

I did also remember to ask about that second sac, and, as expected, it had started to shrink and didn’t appear to have progressed.

We both moved back to his office and discussed booking in for a D&C that day. He assured me that he had room on his surgical list but would still need to see if the hospital had any beds available. He had to get back to the hospital, but I agreed to wait in a seating area until we heard further news (the offices weren’t really open or staffed so early in the morning).

A little while later a receptionist came and found me and said that we were still waiting to hear if there were any beds available. She said there were no patients today but that I could wait in the office where she was if I wanted.

So I headed over there to wait a little longer… and finally the OB came back to let us know there were no beds available that day, but that the following day was all clear for surgery. So, we completed all the paperwork and I agreed to fast again and go back the following morning.

As I was sitting there waiting for all the paperwork to be done, thinking I could really do with a wine that evening, I took a second to wonder whether I should really be having a drink given I would be going into surgery the next day, when luckily I spotted my OB heading out the door and called out “Important question before you go, can I have a wine tonight!?” he spun around and said “You can have 2 wines tonight!!” (I really need to write this guy a review to combat all those crap ones he has, hey?)

It did work out good in a way, because I had a ton of Calming Card orders to fill and was wondering where I was going to get time to do that, so I managed to go and catch a movie in the afternoon (the Elvis movie – it’s awesome, check out it if you get the chance) and then packed all the orders with the help of my Mum (thanks Mum!) and then headed into surgery the following morning.

I was first on the list but ended up having to wait around again due to an emergency that came in before me… but oh well, the surgery all went fine; and I was back on the ward in the hospital before lunch, getting to check out the awesome new on-demand menu that was thoroughly impressive – just like hotel room service (see the awesome breakfast they served me in the pic at the top of this page)!

So anyway, its disappointing that G8 was a no-go but I really feel on an emotional level that it was quite manageable. There are certainly worse outcomes and we’re feeling resilient enough to keep trying at least for a little while longer.

Let’s hope for better luck next time?

…and before I forget, that funny story about Pre-K is probably a fun note to end on. I called the Pre-K centre to check in on how Mr 4 was doing once I had finished with my appointment, and they said he was doing great, seemed settled and happy and suggested he stay for the rest of the day. I just asked them to check with him, and he said that was fine. I asked if he needed any more food dropped down, to which the cheeky little thing said “No, I’m fine, but tell my Mum she should bring me a chocolate when she picks me up.” Haha! He certainly knows when to try his luck 😉