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The Thing I Hate Most About Recovering from Miscarriage

The Thing I Hate Most About Recovering from Miscarriage

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The Thing I Hate Most About Recovering from Miscarriage

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The Thing I Hate Most About Recovering from Miscarriage

There are plenty of things that suck a lot about having a miscarriage.

One of the most annoying things I have found is the symptoms that hang around making you still feel “pregnant” even though you know you’re not (there is this cruel kind of trick where the pregnancy hormones hang around for a few weeks, so even if you did a test it would still say you were pregnant).

I was lucky this time around, when I went in for a D&C a few days ago, my anaesthetist asked if I still had any symptoms. I mentioned I still felt a bit sick in the afternoons, so he popped some anti-nausea in my drip so I wouldn’t have to deal with that for the rest of the day (how cool is he??)

I was telling Sam how considerate I thought that was when I came out of theatre, and he said I should have asked what else was on the menu… HA!

But the thing that really bugs me the most is that you still look pregnant for a while after as well. As in, the belly takes ages to go away, and the boobs are swollen and still hurt for a while too. It’s like carrying around a constant reminder of what you’ve just lost.

You would think going in to winter it wouldn’t matter so much, because it’s a lot easier to hide when you’re out in public, except… we’re off to Broome in a weeks time, where I think I would really like to enjoy sunning myself by the pool for a few hours each day.

Unfortunately, there isn’t going to be anywhere for that belly to hide inside that bathing suit.

So, my goal for this week is to try my hardest to get myself looking and feeling back to “normal”.

I know, there is nothing I can really do to flush those hormones out any quicker than they would naturally go, but I think what I can do is spend the week eating as healthy as possible and doing some light exercise too.

I know, some people are probably thinking that there’s already so much pressure in society for ladies to look a certain way and I shouldn’t be promoting a specific body type etc etc.

But, from my point of view, I categorise being happy with how your body looks as part of the process of setting goals, feeling good from a health and wellness perspective and feeling a sense of achievement when you hit the fitness level you set out to achieve.

Just like certian body types shouldn’t be shamed, ladies who like to look fit and feel healthy shouldn’t be shamed for having those goals either.

Before you say “take it easy” and “don’t work out too hard”… don’t worry.

I’m not an idiot. I know I can’t just launch into intense cardio and ab workouts straight away.

I did talk to my OB about exercise options the first time around and he basically just said get back into it. I did experience some pain and discomfort, but he pretty much just said that’s to be expected to some extent and that in some ways it’s just part of the healing process…

So, I started out with a 1 hour walk on Friday (first day I was able to leave the house), did RPM on Saturday morning (I love that, because you can just pop the handle bars up so there’s no pressure on the abs and just smash it out) and my goal for the rest of the week is to do:

Step on Monday (I’ll take it easy)

Jogging on Tuesday

RPM on Wednesday (I could do body attack but I think it’s best not to tempt myself with burpies and jump tucks… lol!)

PACE on Thursday (just a shorter more intense version of RPM)

Body Attack on Friday (I know, I said I wasn’t going to do attack but…I figure I’ll be feeling much better by then and I’ll just take it easy… it’s only a half class)

RPM on Saturday

And then I think I can have a break on Sunday.

I may or may not make all those classes depending on how I’m feeling, but I’m going to give it a go.

At the very least, I can feel like I’ve made an effort and be satisfied that I’m back on the road to feeling “normal” again.

The hardest part is going to be limiting my snacks to fruit and nuts… (and not the chocolate variety!)


 

If you liked this post… check out my new youtube channel. I’ll be sharing my experiences “live” (ish) as it happens.

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Another Day, Another Loss

Another Day, Another Loss

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Another Day, Another Loss

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Another Day, Another Loss

We found out yesterday that we had experienced our 3rd miscarriage.

It wasn’t a total surprise, as we knew all along that it could happen. I think we just weren’t really expecting it to happen AGAIN.

Especially since we had just had an appointment with a geneticist 3 days prior, telling us that our chances of going full term were probably better than 50%.

He did say though that “chance has no memory” which is a statement that has really stuck with us.

We had kind of been feeling that since our chances of a full-term healthy pregnancy were 50% each time, that just by chance we were pretty much due for a win… but that’s just not how it works.

Unfortunately, the odds re-set themselves each time.

It’s just like flipping a coin, and then picking up a new coin, and flipping that coin, hoping it will or won’t show the same result as the last coin (except, in our case, it’s like picking up two coins and hoping like hell they both land on the same side).

So, we go through the process all over again.

At least it’s a little less daunting when you’ve been through it all before.

From my point of view, I was happy (happy isn’t really the word, but you know what I mean) to opt for a D&C again.

It just means that we can have the foetus tested to confirm that it was due to a chromosome imbalance again, which hopefully will give us some comfort that there isn’t some other issue contributing to the miscarriages as well.

So, I’m booked in to have the procedure on Wednesday morning.

Although I’ve mentioned it’s a little less daunting each time, it doesn’t necessarily get any easier from an emotional aspect.

I think I’m dealing with it fairly well, from the point of view I can still function fairly normally (e.g. I went to the shops this morning to make sure I had enough food for the days where I’m supposed to be at home recovering) but I don’t always feel like socialising or necessarily talking about it.

In some ways, I almost feel as though I’m “used to” the emotions and process. It’s not really the kind of thing you want to get used to, but I guess exposure to grief helps you learn new ways of coping.

But, in saying that I never really know what is going to set me off or upset me, so sometimes I just avoid everyone for a while until I feel like I can deal with it all again.

In the efforts of self-preservation, I just decided to hibernate at home for the rest of the week.

Sometimes a bit of R&R (with a good book and some favourite TV shows as a distraction) can make all the difference (I may have also had a little giggle to myself while I enjoyed 2 glasses of wine and 4 sushi rolls last night too… because, why not!?)

Sometimes you just have to find the little things they make you feel the slightest bit better and work on it from there…

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The Due Date That Never Was

The Due Date That Never Was

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The Due Date That Never Was

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The Due Date That Never Was

The 13th of March.

It’s a date that’s fairly well stuck in my mind. When I first found out I was pregnant, I did a quick calculation and worked out that would be my baby’s due date.

I went to see my GP pretty soon after finding out, and she did a quick calculation and determined the same date.

A few weeks later, I went for my first ultrasound. The lady did a few measurements, pointed out the heartbeat and came up with the same estimated due date.

I found myself having to repeat it quite a few times after that.

So, it became a date I couldn’t really forget.

I remember saying to a few people at the time “Man, I really I hope this baby doesn’t come on my Birthday, that would be inconvenient”.

Seems like a really stupid thing to say (or even think about) now.

I’ve heard a few people say that when you have a miscarriage, once you have gotten passed the due date, things start to get a little easier. You feel like you can finally “move on”.

Others talk about how they can’t help but think “I should have had my baby today”.

Personally, I try not to think about it at all.

I tried pretty hard not to think about it, but then I found myself writing this post, so obviously, I thought about it more than I thought.

My general philosophy is not to be too concerned about what “might have been” and just focus on “what is”.

In my mind, there is no “should have” or “could have” there are just the facts, and the fact was, there wasn’t going to be a baby arriving on March 13.

It’s interesting, because I talk about how March 13 is so ingrained in my brain.

Yet I’ve had another miscarriage since then, and I cannot, for the life of me, think what the estimated due date was for the second baby.

I don’t know why.

It’s not that I don’t care, it’s not that the first baby was more important that the second, it’s not that I’m trying to forget it, it’s… I’m not sure what.

But for some reason, this first date is stuck in my mind and I’m not sure I will be able to forget it.

I don’t think I want to either.

Maybe it’s just that the first one has such an impact on you, and then after that you get a little less attached and slightly more removed emotionally from the situation.

That’s kind of how I feel now.

Whatever will be will be, there’s not all that much I can do about it, and I’m OK with that.

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What’s a Balanced Translocation

What's a Balanced Translocation

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What’s a Balanced Translocation?

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What’s a Balanced Translocation?

We had been waiting quite a few weeks for the results of our chromosomal analyses.

We’d already both had tests taken twice before, which showed nothing, so even though our OB was pretty sure he’d worked out what was causing our miscarriages, we still wanted some form of confirmation.

Finally, we got it.

I received a phone call from our OB just over a week ago basically saying that Sam and I would need to go into the office to speak with him.

He didn’t really tell me much, other than it wasn’t my results he was concerned with… so obviously he couldn’t discuss Sam’s results with me, which meant we had to wait another week until we could both go to see him to
find out what was going on.

He sat us down and explained that Sam has what is known as a Balanced Translocation of Chromosomes (it’s a bit of a mouthful – we had to ask him to repeat it about 5 times!)

Which basically means that two of his 46 chromosomes have broken off and switched places with each other.

Before you start making jokes about how you always knew there was something wrong with him, it actually isn’t a problem for him from a health and wellness point of view, because his chromosomes that have moved are balancing each other out.

Problems only arise when chromosomes translocate and don’t balance out, which is what happened to each of our foetus’.

It can be a little tricky to explain so, if you’re interested, take a look at this youtube video which pretty much sums up the scenario:

So, we now have confirmation that each time we conceive there is a (roughly) 50% chance of it ending in miscarriage.

You might be wondering about our chances of conceiving a child with disabilities or learning difficulties.

This was something we were both worried about too and something we wanted to check on before deciding what to do next.

Our OB has reassured us that it is highly unlikely that this particular translocation would cause any abnormalities.

My understanding is that, because it is chromosome 1 and chromosome 21 (both responsible for DNA development) that keeps going awry, the foetus wouldn’t be able to survive anyway if it had an imbalanced translocation.

So, after all that we were told we pretty much have 2 choices.

We can keep trying to have a baby naturally, and hope that we hit the jackpot when it comes to chromosome selection eventually, or we can go down the IVF path.

Since our difficulty is a genetic one and not really to do with infertility, we would have pretty good chances of a successful pregnancy with IVF. The downside is that it is extremely expensive and quite an intense process.

At this stage, I’ll just be blunt and say I don’t want to do IVF.

I’m not saying I would rule it out as an option in the future, I’m just not prepared to do it right now, knowing there is still a chance that we could have a successful pregnancy without going down the IVF route.

For now, we will take our chances, feeling relatively comfortable with the knowledge that we might have to go through this process a few more times before we have some success.

Since we can’t predict how we will feel in the future, we’re not going to put any limits on ourselves in terms of a timeframe or pre-decide a number of miscarriages we’re willing to deal with before turning to IVF.

In some ways, we actually feel a sense of relief in knowing that we have some answers about why we keep having miscarriages and confident that we can deal with going through this process a few more times if we need to.

Lastly, in case you’re interested (it was something we wanted to know just for our own info) we found out so far we have lost 1 boy and 1 girl.

From our current perspective, we’re glad to know that this issue isn’t gender specific and lucky that we’re both able to look at our scenario from the bright side, being grateful for the options we have and feel fairly optimistic that it’s just a matter of time before things work out for us.

Let’s keep our fingers crossed that the next ones a keeper 😉 

Edit: If you’re reading our blog for the first time I just want to give little update to say we did eventually have a healthy son in September 2018 and continued sharing our journey on our youtube channel.

and lastly, before you go, make sure you check out our range of Calming Cards and Calm Colouring Kits!

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How Those of Us Who Experience Pregnancy Loss or Infertility Issues Feel Every Time We See a Pregnant Lady

How it Feels to See a Pregnant Lady

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How Those of Us Who Experience Pregnancy Loss or Fertility Issues Feel Every Time We See a Pregnant Lady

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How Those of Use Who Experience Pregnancy Loss or Fertility Issues Feel Every Time We See a Pregnant Lady

It can be a little confronting at times.

Your friend announces their pregnancy… you go to her baby shower… you see new mums everywhere nursing their newborns… you feel like every second weekend you’re obligated to go to a first birthday party… there are pregnant ladies everywhere… and it feels like…

Everyone. But. You. Has. Kids.

I get how you feel.

I even think it’s ok if you get upset sometimes.

But you know what I don’t get?

Why you’re taking it out on your friends who are pregnant.

I’ve heard a lot of stories lately about those of us who have experienced loss or fertility problems start making ridiculous (and I feel, quite insulting) rules, where their friends must avoid talking about pregnancy, kids, childbirth and anything even remotely parenting related in their presence.

Some even go so far as to tell their friends that, if they are pregnant, they don’t want to see them!

If this is you, I understand how you feel when you see everyone around you delighted in their pregnancies and their newborns…

I just disagree with your attitude towards them.

While I can see your point of view, I feel that baring your friends from sharing with you the wonderful things they are experiencing in their life is not the answer.

Do you think your friends are having kids in spite of you?

Do you think they are deliberately getting pregnant to upset you?

I can assure you they aren’t.

If they happen to know what you’re going through, they probably feel a certain degree of loss and pain along with you!

At the very least, I can guarantee they will want to help and support you as much as they can.

As much as it sucks to experience pregnancy loss or fertility issues, you need to own it as your issue, and not make it someone else’s.

If you are pregnant, you should be free to celebrate (or complain about it, if you so wish!) without having to worry you are offending someone by simply being pregnant, or worried about just bringing up the topic of your pregnancy!

Sure, it is nice to be considerate of the feelings of a person who is or has experienced loss or fertility issues, and I am all for that.

I just think there is a line, and if you’ve gotten to the point where your pregnant friend can’t hang out with you, maybe you need to think about whether you may have crossed it.

There is no need for your struggle to be at the detriment of your friends’ happiness.

We need to support each other through all of these times, whether they be good or bad (and let’s hope we have more good than bad ones!).

SO… now that’s out in the open, I’d love to hear what you think…

Do you think it’s OK for those of us experiencing loss and fertility problems to boycott our pregnant friends?

Do you have a friend who doesn’t want to be near you because you’re pregnant?

Look forward to hearing your thoughts on this one 😉

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